1
00:00:02,132 --> 00:00:03,452
Here, honey, I
brought up your...

2
00:00:03,612 --> 00:00:04,922
[sniffs] Ooh, who died in here,

3
00:00:05,092 --> 00:00:07,222
and when are you
getting rid of the body?

4
00:00:07,964 --> 00:00:10,924
Ma, it's my refrigerator.
The repairman's fixing it.

5
00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:13,138
That smell is coming
from your refrigerator?

6
00:00:13,317 --> 00:00:14,757
But you hardly keep
anything in there

7
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,670
except batteries and mayonnaise.

8
00:00:17,756 --> 00:00:20,186
I also keep the occasional
box of baking soda,

9
00:00:20,368 --> 00:00:22,938
although I don't find
they work after 3 years.

10
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:25,290
Well, hello, lovely lady.

11
00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:29,120
That is a wonderful
perfume you're wearing.

12
00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:30,680
It's called dove.

13
00:00:30,856 --> 00:00:32,816
You might want to try some.

14
00:00:33,946 --> 00:00:35,506
And she's funny, too.

15
00:00:35,687 --> 00:00:37,117
I like that.

16
00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:39,815
You know what else is funny?

17
00:00:39,996 --> 00:00:41,756
You tryin' to waste
time and drive up the bill.

18
00:00:41,780 --> 00:00:43,240
So, you can keep the
compliments flowing,

19
00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:44,520
but the clock stops here.

20
00:00:45,784 --> 00:00:47,004
Ok...

21
00:00:47,177 --> 00:00:49,177
Just had to replace a coil.

22
00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:50,883
Here's your invoice.Great.

23
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,881
And my friends wonder
why I date white women.

24
00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:56,404
Sorry.

25
00:00:56,578 --> 00:00:58,148
What are you apologizing for?

26
00:00:58,319 --> 00:01:00,579
Ma, he was totally
hitting on you

27
00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:01,836
and you just shot him down.

28
00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:03,758
And he can fix things.

29
00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:06,373
Well, he needs to fix his
game, 'cause it's weak.

30
00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:09,421
Well, at least he's in the game.

31
00:01:09,591 --> 00:01:11,031
You're not even
circling the stadium.

32
00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:12,331
Hey!

33
00:01:12,507 --> 00:01:13,857
I dated this year.

34
00:01:14,030 --> 00:01:15,990
And you remember
what that got me?

35
00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:18,323
A broken heart, and I went
up a size in my eating pants.

36
00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:21,990
Even more reason
to get back out there.

37
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:23,389
Look at me.

38
00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:25,041
I've dated guys
who don't have jobs,

39
00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:27,165
guys who lie, guys who
lie about having jobs,

40
00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:28,738
and still I'm committed

41
00:01:28,914 --> 00:01:30,224
to going out every Friday night,

42
00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:31,444
and you should be, too.

43
00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:32,703
Not all men are bad.

44
00:01:32,875 --> 00:01:34,395
I know that.

45
00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:35,892
Just the ones that
are drawn to us.

46
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:43,709
♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪

47
00:01:43,886 --> 00:01:48,056
♪ you're finding
you I'm finding me ♪

48
00:01:48,238 --> 00:01:51,198
♪ now that I have
someone special ♪

49
00:01:51,372 --> 00:01:53,422
♪ who brings out the joy ♪

50
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:54,721
♪ brings out the joy ♪

51
00:01:54,897 --> 00:01:57,937
♪ inside of me ♪

52
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,288
♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪

53
00:02:00,468 --> 00:02:02,558
♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

54
00:02:02,731 --> 00:02:06,001
♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪

55
00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:07,739
♪ you and me ♪

56
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:10,300
[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

57
00:02:14,873 --> 00:02:16,443
I want a daily report
on the situation

58
00:02:16,614 --> 00:02:17,884
until it's resolved.

59
00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,570
I would tell your
father to wrap it up,

60
00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:21,051
but I love seeing
him so forceful

61
00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:22,968
somewhere other
than the bedroom.

62
00:02:25,014 --> 00:02:27,364
You know how some
things are better left unsaid?

63
00:02:27,538 --> 00:02:29,148
That would be one of them.

64
00:02:30,541 --> 00:02:32,241
I can't believe this
tenant downstairs.

65
00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:34,023
He's 3 months
behind on the rent.

66
00:02:34,197 --> 00:02:36,497
That mysterious guy in 3-b?

67
00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:39,158
I've never actually seen
him, but I know he lives there

68
00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:41,473
'cause Mona steals his
Sunday New York times.

69
00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:44,689
She likes to take it to
breakfast to look smart.

70
00:02:44,860 --> 00:02:47,400
Yeah, well, she's gonna have to
start getting her own subscription

71
00:02:47,428 --> 00:02:49,518
because I'm about to
begin eviction proceedings.

72
00:02:49,691 --> 00:02:52,911
Oh, those long, drawn-out
eviction proceedings!

73
00:02:53,085 --> 00:02:54,825
It's not all bad.

74
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,260
I have been itching to transform
one of these apartments

75
00:02:57,438 --> 00:03:00,878
into a closet devoted to
Dee Dee's shoes and hats.

76
00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:03,360
Some great investment
this building turned out to be.

77
00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:05,751
Now I have 3 tenants
that don't pay rent.

78
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:09,355
But, dad,

79
00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:11,539
with Mona and me living here,

80
00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:13,763
you know that
we're safe and happy

81
00:03:13,932 --> 00:03:16,542
and developing a
loving, sisterly bond.

82
00:03:16,718 --> 00:03:18,418
Can you really
put a price on that?

83
00:03:19,329 --> 00:03:20,809
Yes.

84
00:03:20,983 --> 00:03:22,463
1,200 a month for Mona's

85
00:03:22,637 --> 00:03:25,027
and 2,650 for yours,
since the remodeling.

86
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,285
Well, I can't
help with the rent,

87
00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:28,898
but I can help
with the eviction.

88
00:03:29,078 --> 00:03:30,518
We just covered
this in property law.

89
00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:32,858
I can deal with this
situation aggressively

90
00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:34,908
and with big,
scary-sounding words.

91
00:03:35,084 --> 00:03:36,784
There's no one more
aggressive than Dee Dee

92
00:03:36,955 --> 00:03:38,735
when she's backed into a corner.

93
00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:40,924
She growls, shows her
teeth, arches that back...

94
00:03:41,090 --> 00:03:43,530
Wait, that's coco.

95
00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:45,921
It's nice of you
to offer, baby girl,

96
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:47,285
but I think I need to get somebody
that knows what they're doing.

97
00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:49,194
[Telephone rings]Excuse me.

98
00:03:49,359 --> 00:03:50,749
[Sighs]

99
00:03:50,926 --> 00:03:52,276
I know what I'm doing.

100
00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:54,409
I know you're disappointed,

101
00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:57,372
but remember, sometimes we
must smile through our sadness,

102
00:03:57,541 --> 00:04:00,331
just like your father did when
he was married to Phyllis.

103
00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:03,633
[Knocking]

104
00:04:03,808 --> 00:04:05,068
Yes?

105
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,805
Hey, Mona,

106
00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:08,695
check out this cool
eviction notice I just made.

107
00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:11,506
Dad is gonna take me
so super-serious after this.

108
00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:12,986
I don't know, Dee Dee.

109
00:04:13,165 --> 00:04:14,985
Dad told you to
stay out of this.

110
00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:17,337
And this isn't the first
time you haven't listened.

111
00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:18,998
Do you remember
the fish incident?

112
00:04:19,171 --> 00:04:20,371
Mona: Dad told you to stay away

113
00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:22,090
from his saltwater tank.

114
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,182
And for our entree,
fish sandwiches.

115
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:26,352
Enjoy.

116
00:04:26,527 --> 00:04:28,827
Eww! Where'd you get this?

117
00:04:29,007 --> 00:04:30,967
I scooped 'em
out of the fish tank,

118
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:33,270
just like at the
fancy restaurants.

119
00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:36,150
My yellow gobi?!

120
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:40,414
Ooh, Dee Dee,
you're gonna get it.

121
00:04:40,584 --> 00:04:42,724
Mona, how many
times have I told you

122
00:04:42,891 --> 00:04:44,651
not to let your little
sister out of your sight

123
00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:46,155
when I'm not around?!

124
00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:50,773
Yeah, Mona... How many times?

125
00:04:53,205 --> 00:04:55,505
Technically, you were
supposed to be watching me.

126
00:04:55,686 --> 00:04:56,946
Oh! [Sighs]

127
00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,997
Look, I know what I'm
doing with this tenant.

128
00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:02,169
If he listens to reason,
I won't even need

129
00:05:02,345 --> 00:05:03,955
to use this phony
eviction notice.

130
00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:06,219
Well, could this whole
process wait till after Sunday?

131
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:07,963
I don't want to
have to pay 5 bucks

132
00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:10,403
just to find out the answers
to last week's crossword.

133
00:05:14,749 --> 00:05:17,359
Ok, I wouldn't normally
ask for compliments,

134
00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,104
but I am still recovering

135
00:05:19,275 --> 00:05:20,795
from jamming a
mascara wand in my eye.

136
00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:22,668
How do I look?

137
00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:24,324
You look... Good enough.

138
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:28,592
Oh. Well, luckily I'm
meeting Sammi at bar deluxe,

139
00:05:28,763 --> 00:05:31,113
which is dimly lit, therefore
very Mona-friendly.

140
00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:34,897
Well, I hope there's
a repairman in here,

141
00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:37,083
'cause I got something
that needs fixin'.

142
00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:40,082
Damn, Phyllis, you look hot.

143
00:05:40,252 --> 00:05:41,562
Spencer!

144
00:05:41,732 --> 00:05:43,652
Don't interrupt him
while he's talkin'!

145
00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:46,171
Yeah, but lately he
seems to always be

146
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,956
complimenting you
and creepin' me out.

147
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:51,441
Besides, I'm "good
enough" and she's "hot,"

148
00:05:51,612 --> 00:05:52,612
what's up with that?

149
00:05:52,787 --> 00:05:54,827
Hey, I grade on the curve.

150
00:05:56,486 --> 00:05:58,966
So, where you goin'
with your fancy self?

151
00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:00,841
Wherever you're going.

152
00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:03,082
I'm taking you up on your
offer to go out Friday night,

153
00:06:03,101 --> 00:06:05,411
and it's Friday
night, so let's go out.

154
00:06:05,582 --> 00:06:07,632
Oh, I thought we'd go out, like,

155
00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:10,242
you'd go one place
and I'd go another.

156
00:06:11,196 --> 00:06:12,976
Well, that's not what
I thought, so let's go.

157
00:06:13,155 --> 00:06:14,455
Oh, and you're driving.

158
00:06:14,635 --> 00:06:16,195
Mama might want
to have a drink or 2.

159
00:06:18,029 --> 00:06:19,679
Come on, Mona, go
out with your moms.

160
00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:21,177
You're the one who
encouraged her,

161
00:06:21,293 --> 00:06:23,253
and who knows, maybe she'll pay.

162
00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:26,556
And she did dust
off her matrixoutfit.

163
00:06:28,170 --> 00:06:30,130
If I don't take her, I'll
never hear the end of it.

164
00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:33,922
And I'll never get to watch all
the stuff I recorded on your TiVo.

165
00:06:34,089 --> 00:06:36,219
[Sighs] Ok, ma, let's go!

166
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,396
Ooh, I can't wait to get
down with my bad self!

167
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:42,580
[Fake crying]

168
00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:46,620
It's times like this I'm glad my
mom lives 3,000 miles away.

169
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,448
Come on, Mona.

170
00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,316
Phyllis...

171
00:06:51,498 --> 00:06:53,278
What an exciting ensemble.

172
00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:55,106
Where you going, 1983?

173
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,634
Yes, and while
I'm there I'll say hi

174
00:06:57,808 --> 00:07:00,198
to your original nose,
jaw line, and teeth.

175
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:03,343
Ah, the barren can be so bitter.

176
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:06,030
And the fertile can be so fat.

177
00:07:07,035 --> 00:07:08,645
I'm pregnant, Phyllis.

178
00:07:08,819 --> 00:07:11,389
At least one of us can prove
they've had sex this year.

179
00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:14,004
Let's go, ma.

180
00:07:14,172 --> 00:07:15,762
They have free hot wings
at the bar before 9:00.

181
00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:18,223
Ooh, you are lucky
I like hot wings!

182
00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:22,177
[Dance beat playing]

183
00:07:26,402 --> 00:07:27,802
So, what are you drinking?

184
00:07:27,969 --> 00:07:29,669
A pom-tini.

185
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:31,710
It's made with pomegranate
juice and vodka.

186
00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:33,966
Always order a vodka drink...
more bang for your buck.

187
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:35,926
That's my thrifty baby.

188
00:07:36,107 --> 00:07:37,497
Hey, a table's opening up.

189
00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:39,554
Let's sit over there so
we can watch people.

190
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:40,900
We didn't come here to watch.

191
00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:43,289
We came to turn the beat around.

192
00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:46,552
Ok, don't date yourself
or nobody else will.

193
00:07:47,597 --> 00:07:49,987
And second, don't leave
your drink unattended.

194
00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:52,035
I might drink it.

195
00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:55,130
And always leave by 1:30.

196
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,690
And why is that?

197
00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:58,647
Because after that a
fight always breaks out

198
00:07:58,826 --> 00:08:00,776
over the last single
guy at the bar.

199
00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:02,658
And I'm tired of losing.

200
00:08:03,657 --> 00:08:06,307
I guess this is a lot
to learn in one night.

201
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,506
Honey, I was working the
scene before you were a twinkle

202
00:08:08,531 --> 00:08:09,791
in your father's eye.

203
00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:11,447
How do you think you got here?

204
00:08:12,709 --> 00:08:14,189
Unplanned pregnancy?

205
00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:15,923
Don't remind me of
sex with your father.

206
00:08:17,279 --> 00:08:19,279
You'll kill my buzz
before I even get it.

207
00:08:20,369 --> 00:08:21,759
So, what do you do next?

208
00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:23,976
Well, I wait for my
first drink to kick in,

209
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:25,845
then I make a lap around the bar

210
00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:28,197
to check out the prospectives
and let them check me out

211
00:08:28,377 --> 00:08:30,897
as I wiggle the goods all the
while holding in my stomach.

212
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:34,166
And it goes a little
something like this.

213
00:08:34,339 --> 00:08:35,909
[Inhales sharply]

214
00:08:44,001 --> 00:08:45,311
[Exhales heavily]

215
00:08:45,481 --> 00:08:47,001
See, it's easy.

216
00:08:47,178 --> 00:08:48,958
Easy to make a fool of yourself.

217
00:08:49,137 --> 00:08:50,977
You didn't look like you
were looking for a man.

218
00:08:51,095 --> 00:08:52,935
You looked like you were
looking for a bathroom.

219
00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:56,013
Really? What would
you have done differently?

220
00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:58,927
My version goes a
little something like this.

221
00:08:59,103 --> 00:09:01,023
[Inhales deeply]

222
00:09:14,771 --> 00:09:17,911
Well, if you wanted attention,
you got it, George Jefferson.

223
00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:20,385
Just give it time.

224
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,640
I couldn't help but notice
that unique walk of yours.

225
00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:24,691
Well, if you like my walk,

226
00:09:24,868 --> 00:09:26,738
you'll love my dance.

227
00:09:27,523 --> 00:09:28,923
Watch and learn, newbie.

228
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,442
Ian Rogers? Dee Dee Thorne...

229
00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:36,527
Fellow tenant,
second-year law student.

230
00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:39,486
[English accent] Oh, yeah.
Your sister steals my paper.

231
00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:42,755
I have no knowledge of that.

232
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,450
But I was hoping you might
have a few minutes to chat.

233
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:47,498
Absolutely. Come on in.

234
00:09:51,329 --> 00:09:53,679
Hmm, this place is lovely...

235
00:09:53,854 --> 00:09:55,944
And very well
decorated for a deadbeat.

236
00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:59,641
Ah, cutting to the
chase, are we?

237
00:09:59,816 --> 00:10:01,506
Yes.

238
00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:03,618
And I see you've got a
disconnected smoke detector,

239
00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:04,806
you've pulled up the carpets,

240
00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:06,392
and you've got
faux-painted walls.

241
00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:08,482
All which violate your
tenant agreement.

242
00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:10,131
But it came out beautifully.

243
00:10:11,132 --> 00:10:14,052
If you find rental
infraction such a turn-on,

244
00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:15,662
you should see my kitchen.

245
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:18,142
I have an indoor
grill and no vent.

246
00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:19,843
Maybe later.

247
00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:21,580
Like tomorrow, when
you're moving out.

248
00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:23,321
I've got an eviction
notice right here,

249
00:10:23,492 --> 00:10:25,672
but I'd rather it
not come to that.

250
00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:27,672
Oh, I wondered
how long it would be

251
00:10:27,844 --> 00:10:30,284
before you were here
doing your daddy's dirty work.

252
00:10:31,718 --> 00:10:34,288
But then, butting in
really is your way, isn't it?

253
00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:37,460
Have you been spying on me?

254
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,727
Oh, please, you people play
out half your lives in the hallway.

255
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:44,429
You might want to try
solving your family drama

256
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:45,910
in your own apartment.

257
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,780
Hey... this isn't about me.

258
00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:50,562
And I suggest
you cut your losses

259
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,997
rather than face
my father in court.

260
00:10:54,088 --> 00:10:56,088
Well, then, I guess
I have no choice.

261
00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:59,700
Wow... fixed this in 60 seconds.

262
00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:02,656
Think I'll treat
myself to a manicure.

263
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,620
I mean you leave me no choice

264
00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:08,055
but to report your father
to the housing commission.

265
00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:09,932
What?!

266
00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:11,764
I know all about the
violations committed

267
00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:13,462
to redo your apartment.

268
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,504
I have no knowledge
of that, either.

269
00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:19,105
Let me refresh.

270
00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:21,767
You turned an attic into
a one-bedroom apartment

271
00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:23,772
without permits
for a full kitchen,

272
00:11:23,944 --> 00:11:26,254
jacuzzi tub, or skylights.

273
00:11:26,424 --> 00:11:28,174
And how do you know this?

274
00:11:28,339 --> 00:11:30,779
You're not the only
one who's nosed around.

275
00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:33,685
So let me tell you
how it's gonna be.

276
00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:35,827
You back off,

277
00:11:35,999 --> 00:11:38,119
or you're gonna be sorry you
ever showed up at my door.

278
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,610
The fines for your father will be
plenty more than a few months' rent...

279
00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:44,400
And I'd hate to
add fraud charges

280
00:11:44,573 --> 00:11:46,533
for that fake eviction notice.

281
00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:51,095
You wouldn't want to visit your
daddy in jail, now, would you?

282
00:11:53,016 --> 00:11:54,236
Guess all I can say is

283
00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:56,589
see you at the tenant potluck.

284
00:12:05,159 --> 00:12:06,329
Hey, Mona, what's poppin'?

285
00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:08,378
Not a thing, Sammi.

286
00:12:08,553 --> 00:12:10,553
Unless you count all the
people my mom's hooking up.

287
00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:13,653
Ooh... you're out with your mom.

288
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,560
What's up with that?

289
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,855
Does she only have, like, 2
weeks to live or something?

290
00:12:18,999 --> 00:12:20,959
No such luck.

291
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:24,647
Oh, this is worse than when
she stood up at graduation

292
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,224
and yelled, "that's
my baby. You go, girl!"

293
00:12:28,573 --> 00:12:30,273
You must want to
die of embarrassment.

294
00:12:30,445 --> 00:12:32,315
Oh, I did that 10 minutes ago.

295
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:35,760
Oh, no, now she's
trying to hook me up.

296
00:12:36,581 --> 00:12:38,891
I have somebody
who wants to meet you.

297
00:12:39,062 --> 00:12:40,722
Ma, I can meet my own men.

298
00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:42,590
First of all, no, you can't.

299
00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:45,238
Second of all, I was
talking to Sammi.

300
00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:46,766
Sammi, this is Jason.

301
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:49,729
Oh...[giggles]

302
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:53,729
I always thought your
mom was really cool.

303
00:12:58,255 --> 00:12:59,995
Going to the bar with my mom

304
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:02,390
was the worst night
out I've ever had.

305
00:13:02,564 --> 00:13:04,524
Come on, Mona, we've hung
out with your moms before

306
00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:05,923
and had a good time.

307
00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:07,549
Well, going out to
dinner is different

308
00:13:07,569 --> 00:13:09,049
than when she's
playing matchmaker.

309
00:13:09,223 --> 00:13:11,493
I mean, writing her number
on the bartender's arm,

310
00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:14,360
or yelling to the busboy
to "back that ass up."

311
00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:18,324
Damn, I can't
believe I stayed home

312
00:13:18,493 --> 00:13:20,153
catching up on
the sex-ed channel.

313
00:13:21,539 --> 00:13:23,799
Just making sure there's
nothing new I didn't know about.

314
00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:26,722
There wasn't.

315
00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:31,123
Now, what did you do while
your mom was partying?

316
00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:33,381
I guarded the purses.

317
00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:36,818
You guys are not
gonna believe this.

318
00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:39,600
I really screwed things
up with that tenant in 3-b,

319
00:13:39,775 --> 00:13:41,165
and now that
squatter's threatening

320
00:13:41,342 --> 00:13:43,002
to send daddy to the big house.

321
00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:44,870
Have you people seen oz?

322
00:13:46,303 --> 00:13:48,183
Dee Dee, all you need to do

323
00:13:48,349 --> 00:13:49,699
is tell dad what you did.

324
00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:51,962
The first step is
admitting you're wrong.

325
00:13:52,135 --> 00:13:54,435
I have no training in that.

326
00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:56,096
Besides, if I don't fix this,

327
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:58,400
then dad will always
question my abilities.

328
00:13:58,576 --> 00:14:00,136
See? This is what helping does.

329
00:14:00,317 --> 00:14:01,617
It messes everything up.

330
00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:03,407
One second you're
giving innocent advice,

331
00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:05,371
and the next thing you're mom's

332
00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:07,820
in her skintight pants wearing
her Saturday night ponytail.

333
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:10,806
Mona guarded the purses tonight.

334
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:12,200
Ah.

335
00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:13,553
Mm-hmm.

336
00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:21,298
Mom, can I talk to you about
something... Hypothetically?

337
00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:22,509
Sure.

338
00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:24,037
So, I have a friend

339
00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:25,821
who's created a bit of a mess.

340
00:14:25,995 --> 00:14:27,555
So this friend was
doing his or her best

341
00:14:27,649 --> 00:14:29,299
to please his or her parent,

342
00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:30,977
and now his or her
behind is on the line.

343
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,350
So you got involved
with that tenant, huh?

344
00:14:33,524 --> 00:14:35,794
I thought I could
get the guy out,

345
00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,832
but he was sneakier than I am,

346
00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:40,967
and now I'm wondering if I
have what it takes to be a lawyer.

347
00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:43,191
Of course you've
got what it takes.

348
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,490
Little Dee, remember
when I ran for chairman

349
00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:47,097
of the yacht club
charity bazaar,

350
00:14:47,277 --> 00:14:48,537
but then lainie grimshaw...

351
00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:50,193
The prune with the
platinum Walker...

352
00:14:50,367 --> 00:14:51,627
Stole it from me?

353
00:14:51,803 --> 00:14:54,023
Do you recall the
advice you gave me?

354
00:14:55,068 --> 00:14:56,978
I told you that she was old,

355
00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:58,997
and if it meant that much to
her, you should let her have it.

356
00:14:59,028 --> 00:15:01,198
But I didn't listen.

357
00:15:01,378 --> 00:15:02,988
Instead, I snooped around

358
00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:05,383
until I discovered that
lainie was using the Walker

359
00:15:05,556 --> 00:15:07,076
as part of an insurance scam,

360
00:15:07,254 --> 00:15:09,914
and to get the big stall in
the boathouse bathroom.

361
00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:12,434
You see what I'm telling you?

362
00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:14,297
I think so.

363
00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,478
Sometimes you can't
follow the letter of the law.

364
00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:17,794
You gotta follow your gut,

365
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,240
and if you're dealing with dirt,

366
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:20,923
you gotta play dirty!

367
00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:25,878
So, I should dig
up something on Ian

368
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:28,445
and find a way to
use it against him.

369
00:15:28,623 --> 00:15:31,583
If that's not lawyer-thinking,
I don't know what is.

370
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,594
So, have you ever
had a pom-tini?

371
00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:38,811
No, but I'd like to.

372
00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:41,105
Hey, girlfriend!

373
00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:42,548
No, not again.

374
00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:48,816
Mona, I didn't expect to see
you at our spot 2 nights in a row.

375
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:53,391
Yeah, well, I was hoping "our
spot" wouldn't be so crowded tonight.

376
00:15:53,561 --> 00:15:55,961
And who is this
handsome stranger?

377
00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:58,389
This is Chris. Chris, this is...

378
00:15:58,566 --> 00:15:59,866
Her friend, Phyllis.

379
00:16:01,612 --> 00:16:04,052
Oh, you set up my friend
with that chick Sammi.

380
00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:07,144
Excuse me for a sec, Chris.

381
00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:08,884
So, how is that
going, anywa... uhh!

382
00:16:11,361 --> 00:16:13,931
Ma, I really like this guy,

383
00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:16,933
so would you mind
leaving us alone?

384
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:20,456
Fine. There are
plenty of eligibles here.

385
00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:22,021
All I have to do is walk by

386
00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:24,238
and let my Jean
Nate work its magic.

387
00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:27,990
When I said leave us alone,

388
00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:29,951
I meant leave the building.

389
00:16:30,641 --> 00:16:31,641
Why?

390
00:16:31,773 --> 00:16:33,473
I don't want you here.

391
00:16:33,644 --> 00:16:35,864
This is my spot, not our spot.

392
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,908
That is no way to
talk to your girlfriend.

393
00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:41,565
You're not my girlfriend.
You're my mother,

394
00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:43,309
and I wish you
would act like it.

395
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:47,828
Sorry. I thought a
mother could be a friend.

396
00:16:49,921 --> 00:16:51,451
[Knocks]

397
00:16:53,708 --> 00:16:55,188
Dee Dee, come in.

398
00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:58,280
I would say this is a surprise,

399
00:16:58,452 --> 00:17:01,592
but there was no denying the
vibe between us the other night.

400
00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:06,418
You're right about
picking up on a vibe.

401
00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:08,980
It's the vibe of a girl
who gets what she wants,

402
00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:11,028
and I want you out of here!

403
00:17:11,987 --> 00:17:14,637
[Sighs] I really thought
you were a lot smarter,

404
00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:18,076
but you're obviously not if
you continue to annoy me.

405
00:17:18,254 --> 00:17:20,434
I thought you were
a lot smarter, too.

406
00:17:20,604 --> 00:17:22,564
But if you were, you would
have worked a lot harder

407
00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:24,003
to cover up your secret...

408
00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:25,963
That you're an illegal alien.

409
00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:28,921
That's ridiculous!

410
00:17:30,005 --> 00:17:32,265
Rent paid in money
orders got me curious,

411
00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:34,182
and then I noticed
that your phone bill

412
00:17:34,357 --> 00:17:35,877
was in someone else's name.

413
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,925
I guess those pesky
bank and phone people

414
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:40,970
require a social security
number that you don't have.

415
00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:44,410
That sounds pretty flimsy to me.

416
00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:48,372
Then I pulled your
rental application

417
00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:51,285
and contacted your last
place of employment.

418
00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:54,551
It seems someone's work visa
expired several months ago.

419
00:17:54,725 --> 00:17:57,635
That same someone
stopped paying rent soon after.

420
00:17:58,512 --> 00:17:59,992
I think I need to sit down.

421
00:18:02,255 --> 00:18:04,295
I think you need a
new place to live...

422
00:18:04,474 --> 00:18:06,174
By Friday.

423
00:18:06,346 --> 00:18:08,826
By the way, illegal
immigration status

424
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,830
trumps building code violations.

425
00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:16,308
You know, you're
not a very nice person.

426
00:18:17,487 --> 00:18:19,487
I don't have to be nice.

427
00:18:19,663 --> 00:18:21,673
I'm gonna be a lawyer.

428
00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:27,373
[Knocks]

429
00:18:29,282 --> 00:18:31,412
Don't worry. I'm not staying.

430
00:18:31,588 --> 00:18:33,808
I just came to get my
hanging out slippers.

431
00:18:33,982 --> 00:18:35,702
Since we're not gonna
be doing that anymore,

432
00:18:35,766 --> 00:18:37,326
I figured they don't
need to be here.

433
00:18:38,421 --> 00:18:40,341
Ma, I'm sorry.

434
00:18:40,510 --> 00:18:43,430
I didn't mean for what I
said to come out that way.

435
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,520
The thing is, as
much as I love you,

436
00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:49,130
you're kind of
cramping my style,

437
00:18:49,302 --> 00:18:52,002
and the little style I've got
can't afford to be cramped.

438
00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:55,354
You were the one who
told me to get back out there.

439
00:18:55,525 --> 00:18:57,405
But I didn't know you were
gonna go there with me

440
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,050
and you were never gonna leave.

441
00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:02,315
Imagine grandma
out clubbing with you.

442
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,672
Oh, baby.

443
00:19:06,101 --> 00:19:07,361
Can you ever forgive me?

444
00:19:07,537 --> 00:19:09,497
Yes, and I love the fact

445
00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:11,850
that you're still a
vibrant, fun-loving woman.

446
00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:14,370
I just think that you could
be vibrant and fun-loving...

447
00:19:14,544 --> 00:19:15,634
Somewhere else.

448
00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:16,846
And to that end,

449
00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:18,765
I did a city-search online,

450
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:22,120
and compiled a list of all
the bars for people over 40.

451
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:24,601
It's called "the last stop."

452
00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:26,986
I appreciate the effort,

453
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,646
but I think I'll do
my own search...

454
00:19:28,819 --> 00:19:31,389
In fact, I think I'm
gonna start right now.

455
00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:37,441
You got all those phone numbers
from the guys at bar deluxe?

456
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,791
Yeah. And a few
at baskin-Robbins.

457
00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:43,305
Hey, I was really upset
about what you said to me.

458
00:19:44,313 --> 00:19:46,843
Well, while you
go through those,

459
00:19:47,011 --> 00:19:49,801
how about if I still
keep these here?

460
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:52,021
Ohh! Ohh!

461
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,153
These are washable, right?

462
00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:01,242
Let's check the smoke
alarm in the bedroom.

463
00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:02,457
Hey, dad.

464
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,472
Ah! There's my future attorney.

465
00:20:05,639 --> 00:20:07,729
Nicely done.

466
00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:09,972
You know, I'm gonna have to
stop thinking of you as my baby

467
00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:12,121
and start seeing you as a
grown-up, professional woman.

468
00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:13,688
I'd like that.

469
00:20:13,864 --> 00:20:15,654
[Chuckles]

470
00:20:15,823 --> 00:20:17,483
But you realize,
you're going to have

471
00:20:17,651 --> 00:20:19,441
to be a grown-up,
professional woman

472
00:20:19,609 --> 00:20:22,869
without an 800-square-foot
hat and shoe closet.

473
00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:49,675
Whoo hoo! [Giggles]

474
00:20:49,725 --> 00:20:54,275
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